Its Been Awhile

So I guess you could say it’s been awhile since I’ve given an update.  I completely avoided writing about the whole outreach phase of my DTS.  I could give a million excuses about not having enough time or what not but reality is, I’ve been lazy. So its past midnight and I’m lying here in my bed, not able to fall asleep, and thought it would be a good time to finally sum up the past few months of my life.

So where to start, well I guess March 29^th would be a good place, seeming as though that was the day I left for Palau, well at least the beginning of our travels to Palau. Our trip started out by flying from our base in Kona to the Honolulu airport where we then had a 12 hour layover. We arrived around 9pm and had no place to sleep because we soon found out we couldn’t sleep in the airport. So we grabbed out bags and slept outside. It was a great start to the trip and really tested out ability to go with the flow as a team. As the night went on and the sun came up we caught our next plane that took us to Korea, then finally landed in Palau around 2 in the morning. We were picked up by our main contact Fuana, and taken to the place we would be staying at for the next 2 months. 

I could go into detail about each and every day we were there because I was able to journal each day, but that would obviously take forever. So instead I will just share not necessarily any stories of my time in Palau, but what I learned and how God spoke to me and revealed Himself to me.

I quickly learned that when you are put into an environment like I was in Palau, you are forced to be your true self. When there is so many unfamiliar things going on, it just takes too much time to try and be someone you are not. So for the first part of my time in Palau, the main thing God reveled to me was my true identity and personality. He revealed that I am a quite person and it is okay. All throughout high school I tried so hard to be an outgoing cheerleader who everyone liked and wanted to be around. But I quickly found out that yes, that is part of who I am, but I do have a quiet, more reserved side to me as well. It was strange adjusting to the idea of having alone time and being okay with it, not talking in every conversation, and being okay with it, not always being an outgoing bubbly person, and being okay with it.  It’s amazing to look back and think that if I would have never obeyed God in going to Palau, I might have never known that side of me. I guess it pays to listen and obey the Lord!

So as my adventures went on the next main thing God revealed to me was what He wanted me to do with my future. One of the ministry opportunities we got to do was to lead worship as a local all boys’ school. So one morning as we were at the school I was sitting there next to a boy named Leo just listening to the music that was being played. I wasn’t singing our anything, just listening and looking around at all the boys there. And in that moment God spoke to me that He wanted me to be a part of something like this, to teach young adults who are struggling in school and in life as well, how to live Godly lives. And at first I interpreted this as becoming a teacher, but my interpretation as slowly been changing into other ideas that God has placed on my heart. Anyways I was very excited to get a pretty clear idea of what God had in store for me for my future.

I would say that the final thing God revealed to me was one of the most important things I could ever take away from my time in Palau. It wasn’t any relationship that was made, any physical item that was left but a revelation that changed my life. And I truly don’t think God would have given me this revelation unless I was in Palau, being tested in my faith at that time. I had a short period of time towards the end of my trip where I was going through a hard time and didn’t really know what was going on. I was spending a lot of alone time with God and just being by myself in general. I was in a funk and trying so hard to figure out why. But the main thing was that I was trying to figure it all out on my own and not asking for Gods help and guidance. One evening as a I was reading though a devo booklet God started speaking to me about selfishness. He told me that I was being selfish in my relationship with Him. I never used to even think selfishness was a sin, and now God was telling me that I was being selfish with my relationship with Him? He cleared things up by saying that I was being selfish in trying to figure everything out on my own. And there is a difference between pride and selfishness here because being proud is thinking that you are better than God and don’t need Him.  But I knew I needed God and wanted His help, but just wasn’t asking for it and trying to do it on my own.  It was an interesting revelation that I never really expected at that time but have used tremendously in application to my prayer life. I’ve realized that it’s okay to not always know what’s going on with me and my emotions and it’s just a waste of time to try and figure it out on my own.  I will never be able to figure out anything on my own and sometime just come to God saying “I know you are the only one that knows what going on so I’m not going to worry about it because you will do what you need to do”  I got to a place where I FINALLY realized that EVERYTHING is in God’s hands. That was something that I have always known and said I’ve understood but never actually did until I was in Palau.

My time in Palau was a time I will never forget. The people we met, the lives we changed, the revival we hopefully started will stick around forever. I’m a new person because of Palau and I only have the Lord to thank for that!